Irrational Exuberance

We've recently learned that our upcoming gig on Sunday, Jan. 24, is piling up reservations faster than warts on a teen-age toad, and the Flaw feels the need to make these clarifications:

1. This is the Flaw we're talking about here. We had a rehearsal last night and we think we know a couple of songs all the way through. The rest will be, well, Flawed.
2. Luckily, the incredible Tim May will be there as our special guest, trying his best to save our bacon. That'll be worth $15 right there.
3. If all else fails, Coffee Gallery, at 2029 N. Lake St., in Altadena, has some great coffee and pies.
4. Water may be falling from the sky. Be not afraid.
5. There are no advance ticket sales. If the room's limit is reached, the reservations will go on a waiting list.

If after all this you insist, here's the reservations number:

Reservations/Information: (626) 398-7917.


Harried baristas are not standing by, but will pick up the phone and write your name down on the list.

If you're on the fence about attending the concert, we completely understand and have asked other musicians and luminaries about the Flaw.

This is what they say:

-------------------------------------------------------
"I know I've done wrong"
-- anonymous cowpoke

"Towards the bad, I kept on turning."
--Merle Haggard

"Ya take what ya need and ya leave the rest,
But they should never have taken the very best. "
--The Band

"The troubles are many and the pleasures are few"
-- Merle Travis

"A hefty hunk of steaming junk"
-- James Taylor

"It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop"
--Amie Mann

"You spend your life just thinkin' of how to get away"
--Darrell Scott

"Time keeps draggin' on"
-- Johnny Cash
"I wish that for just one time you could stand inside my shoes. You'd know what a drag it is to see you."
-- Bob Dylan
“There's pins and needles in my heart.”
-- Hank Locklin

Holiday Methane from The Faw

First of all, we are NOT going to celebrate Chanukah by setting fire to a banjo every night for eight nights. We don't know where you heard that.

Music:
1. The Hallelujah Chorus

2. Merry Christmas From the Family by Robert Earl Keene

Murphy's Flaw Custom ringtones for your cell phone:
Murphy's Flaw Ringtone #1
Murphy's Flaw Ringtone #2
Murphy's Flaw Ringtone #3

Have a happy, and don't forget the BIG SHOW with our special guest Tim May on Sunday, Jan. 24, 2010! The fun begins at 7 p.m., Coffee Gallery Backstage, Altadena.

See you in 2010!

The Flaw

Seasons Greetings, Have a Calendar

Dear Patrons of the Arts:

As you know, we are a giving band -- that's just how we roll. So this year, we're putting out our first Murphy's Flaw calendar for 2009. Use it in good health.

(Actually, we really don't care about your health, but if you're going to croak you could provide for a bequest to our tip jar.)

[We're sorry, we didn't mean to type that out loud.]

So: Why not a 2010 calendar, you ask? Because it's not 2010 yet. Duh.

But, speaking of the new year, here's something you'll want to plan on attending:

Sunday, Jan. 24, 2010, 8 p.m.:

Murphy's Flaw with Special Guest Tim May at (wait for it.....)

The Coffee Gallery Backstage in Altadena!

Yes, the Flaw finally invades the Coffee Gallery Backstage -- didn't realize the recession had gotten that bad, did you?

Times are tough, yet the Flaw promises a cosmic evening of entertainment mostly because of the presence of Mr. May, an amazing musician we've lured out from the confines of Nashville for the weekend.

You can read about Tim May here. Prepare to be shocked and awed -- this guy can flat-out pick.

Tickets are $15 and you should budget another $200 or so for CDs, coffee, pie, etc.

So circle the date on your calendar or, as the Flaw likes to say, write it on a scrap of paper and staple it to someone you love.

More news as it happens, or as we remember it.

Happy Holidays,
Murphy's Flaw

Thanksgiving Day Leftovers Recipe

During these last-minute, frenetic days of not practicing for the big gig Saturday at Vincenzo's Pizza in Chatsworth, we thought we'd take a breather and offer you some ways to get creative with all those Thanksgiving day leftovers.*

The Flaw is indebted to Chef Francois Alles-Zirconia of the prestigious nausées Académie de la cuisine in Paris who came up with this quick recipe for braised turkey almondine gumbo:

* salt
* 1 lb fresh lard, trimmed and cut into 2-inch lengths
* 1 cup artificial sweetener
* 8 oz bacon, finely diced
* 2 cloves garlic, peeled and minced
* 2 tbsp chopped turkey skin
* 3 cups grenedine syrup
* 1 cup stuffing
* water to taste
* 3 lbs lemon zest
* 4 vanilla beans (or substitute with a large can of pork and beans)
* Artificial whipped topping -- just a dab'll do ya.

Combine ingredients in blender on high for three minutes. Pour into lightly floured plastic container and place in 375-degree oven for 12 hours.

Don't skimp on the time -- it's the slow cooking that brings together the flavors of the turkey skin, grenedine and plastic.

While all that's in the oven, you may as well take in the Flaw's performance at Vincenzo's Pizza in Chatsworth on Saturday night:

Where: Didn't we just tell you it's Vincenzo's Pizza in Chatsworth? Focus, people!
Address: 10364 Mason Ave, Chatsworth, CA 91311-3305
When: 7 p.m. Saturday, Nov. 28, 2009
Cost: Nothing up-front, but the tip jar is ever-present

See you then,

The Flaw





*As we mourn the senseless deaths of hundreds of thousands of young cucumbers, pulled from the vine while yet babies and mashed into jars to sate our insane desire for sweet gherkins. We will never forget.

Thick Crust

Dear Patrons of the Arts,

Many of you have asked* what Murphy's Flaw 2.0 has been up to for the past month since our international debut at October's Tierra del Sol Harvest Festival in Sunland.

"International?" we hear you exclaim, "Don't you mean 'irrational?'"

Indeed, no: guitarist Mike Gurzi found a link to this YouTube Clip on a site in Britain.

The great Flawed master plan is coming together nicely. Local exposure --> international exposure--> remastered box set of the entire Flaw recording catalog, available both in stereo and mono** just in time for Christmas at only $250.

The only detail yet to be worked out: No recordings. We're working on that. There's no limit to the length the Flaw will go to in order to provide you, the loyal fan base, with a CD -- Short of actually spending money to go into a recording studio and do it right. The flowchart looks like this:

No Talent -->No Gigs-->No Money-->No CD.

We should be a case study at Harvard Business School.

Despite that, sporadic attempts are being made. John came up with the idea of using last week's rehearsal tapes for a CD, because the rehearsal turned out really, really well.

This was shouted down by the band which pointed out that a) John wears hearing aids and plays banjo and wouldn't know sonic quality if it smacked him in the face and b) the recording came out really, really well. The rehearsal itself was, well, a rehearsal.

Point taken.

And still we gig. Just as a shark must keep moving to stay alive, so must the Flaw, moving silently through the water, smelling blood, breaking smaller fish in two with our sharp, powerful metaphors.

We will be appearing this Saturday night, Nov. 28, at BASC Bluegrass Night at Vincenzo's Pizza, 10364 Mason Ave, Chatsworth, CA. The music, so to speak, starts at 7 p.m. Prior to that we'll be spending an hour trying to figure out how to arrange seven musicians, with instruments, mic stands and cables, all into the tiny Performance Corner at Vincenzo's.

An artist's conceptual sketch is attached.

The first set will be the Flaw's Greatest (International!) Hits, and in the second set various members of the audience will take to the stage to show us how the first set would have sounded if we'd only rehearsed. Throughout, the tip jar will be passed by Andie "the enforcer" Bryan. Give freely; she can smell fear.

A map to Vincenzo's in Chatsworth is here. Go for the cheesy pizza, stay for the cheesy music.

-- The Flaw


*actually, no one has asked. This is a cheap writer's device.
**not monophonic, mononucleosis. Don't lick the cd.

"Murphy's Flaw -- better than you'd think"

From the Flaw: Tales of the Undead Bluegrass Band

Dear patrons of the arts:

It's been a weird summer, we'll give you that.

First, the whole band was flown over to Switzerland to work on the Super Hadron Collider, which didn't go well. But they fixed it after we left.

Then we spent the first few weeks of August providing mood music to town hall audiences all over the country to kind of keep them entertained and smiling until the meetings started. (In our spare time, we helped with the proofreading on the protest signs)

Oh, what's the use? You were bound to find out anyway.....

The Flaw broke up. The FLAW broke UP!!

Well, 3/5th of it, at any rate, leaving behind a dumbfounded bassist and perplexed banjo player.

Fiddler Edie Murphy decided to pursue solo projects, George Biner lives too far away from the practice site (at least during rush hour on the 405) and is up to his ears in other stuff including his own band, Pure Play. And Jarrett wanted to devote more time to his job (!!) and Simon Pure, a first-rate bluegrass band out of Agoura Hills, in which he plays Dobro. And this all happened in the space of, like, two weeks in August.

So now there were two....

Sure, we saw it coming and we tried to head it off -- we tried Band Therapy:

Therapist: How do you FEEL when they tell you the banjo isn't in tune?
John: The banjo IS in tune!
The band, screaming: See what we mean?
Therapist: Maybe it's best that you spend some time apart.

Shortly after that, we came home late one night and found all our banjos out on the lawn. We knew then that it was over. (And it's always the banjos that suffer in these things...)

And so we started living the empty life of a single picker. Wednesday nights, formerly the practice night, were long and cold, with no rehearsal coffee to warm us. We found ourselves driving by the old practice and gigging spots, then slowly driving home, silently weeping. We'd tell people the red eyes were from allergies. No one was fooled.

After a while, we were persuaded to join a single-musicians mixer at a local church. We went a few times, but -- frankly -- most of the other musicians played these. Small wonder...

We wrote a Craig's List ad looking for new musicians, and got some very interesting replies, suggesting that perhaps placing the ad in the "personal services" category was a mistake. We tried again under the "musicians" category and got better results.

A gigabyte of emails and several get-acquainted jams later, we were back in business -- Flaw 2.0 was born!

This truly Flawed concoction has grown from five to seven members, pretty much guaranteeing no stinkin' money for anybody.

The new roster:

• Bass: Paul Dorn, a holdover from Flaw 1.0, You know him, you love him....well, at least you know him.
• Banjo: The same old hack.
• Mando: Matt Witler, a high school senior and rather amazing player as long as his homework is done.
• Guitar: Mike Gurzi, lead guitar and vocals, an awesome player who's also aiming for an pickup-truck endurance record by driving between Chatsworth (new practice spot) and Long Beach (where he lives.)*
• Dobro: Uli Sinn. Uli is from Austria and does a wicked impression of Governor Schwartzenegger, as does everybody else from Austria.
• Mando and vocals: Dee Farnsworth. Another mando: Why not? A singer and harmonizer? Absolutely!
• Fiddle: Peter Blackwelder, a college student who's really a violinist, but we're trying to beat the music out of him and replace it with sweet, sweet bluegrass fiddling. Resistance is futile.

Well, we're going out on a limb here -- the old Flaw members used to go nuts when we'd make practice tapes public. But this band is coming together so well, we can't help crowing a little. Hear for yourself.

Sample1

Sample2

Can you see why we're so excited??

We know you'll want to come hear us live, and our first gig is for a great cause:

Tierra del Sol Harvest Festival:
9919 Sunland Blvd, Sunland, CA‎
10-3 p.m. Saturday Oct. 17, 2009.

We do this every year, but this year, with state finances in a train-wreck, the annual fundraiser takes on added importance.

So come on out, hear the new Flaw, and buy a pumpkin, some sculptures, knicknacks and doo-dads. Great barbecue lunch, by the way. Here's a map.

Later that night, John will be shuckin' the corn, at Dave and Deke's annual Hillbillyfest at Joe's Great American Bar and Grill. This one is so humiliating that only John will be allowed to participate.

Yours for greater acceptance of alternative banjo tunings,

Murphy's Flaw
-----------------------------------
Murphy's Flaw: "Expensive, Tasteless, Mediocre Bluegrass since 2005"

The Flaw at Topanga Banjo Fiddle Contest & etc.

Sunday: Topanga Banjo Fiddle Contest

It all happens again at 9 a.m. Sunday at the beautiful, sun-baked Paramount Ranch near Agoura Hills.

Gaggles of fresh-faced, inordinately talented kids will step to the microphone at the Topanga Banjo Fiddle Contest, brows furrowed in concentration, giving the audience a jolt of raw musical talent and glimpses of the extraordinary musicians they may become.

We hate them.

We, by contrast, trudge to the stage, perform, slink back to our lawn chairs, knowing we'll get hammered in the results by some bands that feature Cute Kids.

They also tend to play better than we do. But that's not the point.

The point is there needs to be a Doddering Old Inept Bluegrass Band category, and you can't get into it until your acne has cleared up.*

Failing that, the Flaw is resigned to -- nay, embraces -- its probable third-place finish.

In fact, we're committed to extending our third-place streak by another year. We're going for the Guiness, folks!**

We're Contestant No. 39, so come and cheer or merely observe the wreckage, sigh, and move on. Full Topanga details are here.


*ingrown whiskers=no problem
**both the record book and the ale

Tuesday: Bluegrass Night at Braemar Country Club. The Recriminations Concert

Tuesday night the Flaw, still licking its wounds from Sunday, will be on stage at the Bluegrass Association of Southern California's Bluegrass Night at the Braemar Country Club. We'll probably be demoralized, which only adds to this incredible entertainment value.

Braemar will be the performance that we could have had at Topanga had if only we'd practiced, but hey -- maybe if we tape it and put it up on the website we still can get some mileage out of it.

(Past attempts at videotaping have included long periods of people standing in front of the camera so you see the little hairs on the back of their necks (we're talking men here, of course -- ha, ha!) accompanied by the soundtrack of bluegrass thrashing for which the Flaw has become so infamous.)

Full Braemar details are here

--
http://www.murphysflawband.com
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Murphys-Flaw/58844108000

Everybody's a music critic

We've not been shy about our grudging acceptance of a farting dog as the band mascot. The canine in question is Anna, a loveable chocolate lab who gets ultra-relaxed and falls asleep during our practices.

At this point the methane level in the room rises.

Usually we put this down as the price suffering artists must endure, but this time, we caught it on tape as the fumes spread through the band.

http://www.soundlantern.com/SoundPage.do?ToId=33075

From the Flaw: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The Flaw will be appearing it's so late, I should have done this earlier...can't even see screen SUNDAY yeah, that's it...now which one...there are so many.....oh, the next one! January 18, 2009....is it 2009 already? Jeesh.....ahhh, where? I know we get on a freeway.....big art museum on the hill.....traffic jam...stupid Mercedes 2 miles per gallon cut me off........West L.A. Farmer's Market, They sell West L.A. farmers, no, there are no farmers in West L.A., I think it's veggies...veggies...no, ma, I DID eat my asparagus!....push it around plate better next time....must concentrate...where, where....hang a right off 405 then these little tents on the left selling swiss chard...swiss chard? you can't eat swiss chard...aw, MA! .. Swiss Mercedes drivers cutting me off.....focus, focus...address....11338 Santa Monica Boulevard at Corinth Ave on the Court House/Civic Center plaza, behind the Public Library. How'd I remember that? Oh.. website....when... daytime, for sure...it's like after Meet the Press is on... maybe football?... cheerleaders...their Swiss, Mercedes-driving boyfriends, too good for a banjo player ...what time ??? Noon to 2 p.m. Gas back up to $2 gallon can't afford banjo strings.... never in tune anyway......Tips Gratefully Accepted....

From the Flaw: Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah, and "Whew! We may yet make it to the end of the year..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Us-TVg40ExM

See you in 2009!

John, George, Jarrett, Paul and Edie

John's First Banjo Teacher

For those looking for a weekend of solitude, get over it

Dear Patrons of the Arts:

We haven't been resting on our laurels (they're at the cleaners) and the October Haunting of Bluegrass continues apace.

-- Saturday, we'll be in amongst the pumpkins at the Tierra del Sol Fall Festival (you'll be able to tell us from the pumpkins because somebody will buy them and take them home). For those not haing on every off-key Flaw note, there will also be other acts including a fantastic juggler, and equally fantastic barbecue.* Full details are here. Come on out and buy stuff -- these people do great work and need your money. For a $500 donation, we will stop playing. You may want to take up a collection in your neighborhood.


-- On Sunday we'll be out in Moorpark at the Underwood Family Farms Bluegrass and Old Time Weekend, once again offering a living tableau of What Happens When You Don't Practice. There will be two flawed sets out there, one at the unheard of hour of 10 a.m. and the other at our normal rising hour of 2 p.m. In between will be other, fantastic acts or you can just gather around and watch us argue about who messed up in the first set. (Answer: Banjo player). Details are right here. Hope to see you one last time before you develop musical taste and leave us forever.

-- Many people** have been clamoring for details of our recent stock issue under the (tenderly) holding company of Flawco Inc. The stock, traded under the counter under the symbol PTUI, has been a rock of consistency in the volatile storm that is the current stock market, trading unchanged at $0.00. We believe this reflects the true worth of the company, and therefore are quite happy. Stock certificates will be available both at Tierra del Sol and Moorpark, with our business plan printed on the back of the certificates.

Billionaire Warren Buffett, whose motto is "be greedy when others are fearful; fearful when others are greedy" has lately been extolling stock purchases as a rare bargain. However, he has somehow neglected to include Flawco among his holdings.*** We're assuming it's a clerical error.



*However, juggling barbecue=bad idea
**By which we mean nobody
***Flawco motto: "Would you like fries with that?"

We're Going Public!

Dear patrons of the arts:

We've been watching the stock market pretty carefully of late and we're convinced the time is right:

Murphy's Flaw is pleased to announce the Initial Public Offering of

Flawco, Inc.
(a tender, holding company)

Our business plan will be modeled on several we've read about in the paper: You pay for us to perform 10 songs, we sing one, and then we promise to sing the other nine at a later date, but at greater volume.

Then we go on Craig's List and offer to perform those nine, sing one, and offer the other eight on Recycler.com. We keep this up until eventually we've sung our original 10 songs -- but we've been paid for 55!

It can't lose. And if, by some freak chance, all our audiences should want us to sing our songs at the same time, we'll just ask the National Endowment for the Arts to send in extra bluegrass bands. We'll call it a rescue. Not a bailout.

Bottom Line: Everybody wins!

This is a smart investment opportunity: Flawco stock is worthless, so you know it'll never go down in value, even in a bear market.

Still not sure? We understand; due diligence is important.

So if you want to check out our assets, we'll be on-stage at the "A Taste of Folk Music" Festival this Sunday, Oct. 12, at Encino Park, 16953 Ventura Blvd. We're on shortly after 11:30, but the festival starts at 10 a.m. and goes to 5 p.m. Great music, great food. Kettle Corn, probably. Full details are here.

Many other fantastic bluegrass bands who could well be part of the eventual "rescue" plan will also be appearing. They, of course, do not issue stock. What can we say -- some people don't have the Flawed Vision.

There will be Flaw T-shirts for sale for $10, and we'll be issuing certificates for one share of FlawCo stock.

Operators will be standing by -- if you miss the chance to get in on this business opportunity, you'll be glad you did!

See you Sunday!

Rip Van Murphy awakens for big Simi Valley gig
Dear patrons of the arts,

When we last littered your in-box we were about to do our much-vaunted, over-hyped July 19 CD recording concert at Blue Ridge Pickin' Parlor in Granada Hills. Wait a minute....

There are 184 people on the Flaw email list. We had 60 people at the concert. That means EIGHTY-SEVEN OF YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP!

Reasons? Rationales? Excuses? Explanations? We're waiting..... (taptaptaptap).

Well, it turns out you couldn't have fit into the Pickin' Parlor anyway....we'd advertised free cobbler and the place was jammed with alleged "bluegrass fans." We're pretty sure it was the cobbler, though -- why would a true bluegrass fan go to a FLAW concert? We're just sayin'....

Here's what you missed. Feeling guilty yet? Have another....

Yeah, we can lay on the shame, but members of the Gang of 87 have a chance to redeem themselves Sunday when the Flaw shows up, extremely well-rested from a month off, to play the Simi Valley Days.

We're going to start playing at noon, and we're not getting off the stage until they come to their senses or it's 1:30 p.m., whichever comes first. $6 gets you in.

We'll be using the occasion to try to remember lyrics and chords we thought we had down pretty well before we went on vacation. But here's your chance to be part of the adventure -- shout out chords during the songs and we'll try to work 'em in.

See you Sunday!

The Flaw

p.s.: The CD we were recording -- didn't get recorded. Somebody had taken the recorder and left a CD player in its place. We're not making this up.

The Results Are In!

In the great 2008 Flaw Freebie Concert Ticket Contest, you were asked to send a suck-up letter to suckingup@murphysflawband.com, in which extra points would be given for mentioning the astonishingly good-looking banjo player.

FIRST PLACE (1 ticket)
Donn Cunningham, Pasadena, CA:

Uh...

Hmm...

Well uh...

Let's see...

Nevermind, I'll pay the $20.

See you there.

SECOND PLACE (2 tickets)
Bob S. Hill Jr., Utica IN:

As Murphy Flaw's ONLY Hoosier Groupie - if not its only groupie east of Mendocino - I think it would be swell to get two free tickets to whatever the hell the band is doing because basketball season hasn't yet begun here and my wife needs something with which to light our barbecue.

HONORABLE MENTION:
Joy Felt, Reseda, CA:

Dear Abby, I mean, Dear Flaw,

I’ve never written an advice request letter before so you may find this a bit long. Please do not edit my words of panic. So you see I have this friend and I just don’t know what to do about our relationship. He’s always a bit of a raskal and doesn’t believe me when I tell him that I had to walk the dog and couldn't do my homework . I’ve tried bribing him with chocolate but he’s a curmudgeon when it comes to bribery. I’ve tried being mean by ignoring him, but he simply laughs uncontrollably. I’ve even tried changing my time with him. Alas and alack, I’ve been unsuccessful. So, even though I could easily tell you about my 17 closest friends, and why they deserve a ticket to this special concert as well as my heroic efforts, I still aim to have him be less relentless. My final effort must then certainly be a kindness by presenting him with A-Flat deal where he cannot B-Minor in attitude nor B-Dim’d in in his enjoyment. He might, however, only enjoy a Quarter of the program altho I suspect that Half of his pleasure will be Waltzing to the concert hall to see a bunch of folks Staff(ed) with axes and picks in hand for his entertainment pleasure. It will be grand for the banjo player to C him. I must mention that my friend’s frustration is that I don’t always follow directions...like not first extolling the Flaw’s virtues. So, I must mention that the Flaw ...well...ain’t flawed. Ask their following and the judges at the Topanga Banjo Fiddle Contest. They’ve had to defend their many wins and are not likely to step aside any time soon...thankfully! Therefore, 2 little dots do not keep me from refraining to repeat my forte proclamation....for a kool time see the hot stuff of Murphy and the Pickers. With tones in every register and no decrescendo at the end they are certain to delight! Respectively submitted, THE RASKAL (J.F.)

HONORABLE MENTION
Phil Meyers, North Hollywood:

The banjo player is astonishingly good-looking, but can't hold a candle to the fiddle player. (Does this mean I win?)

Did we say FREE TICKETS? Why, Yes, We Believe We Did!

Dear patrons of the arts,

A week to go before the big concert and we know some of you are hanging back in anticipation. Kind of like when somebody brings out the big chocolate cake, but you don't want to be the first one to dive in.

We understand. About the cake. Frankly, we don't know how this applies to bluegrass....We sure could use some cake right now, though.....mmmmmm

FOCUS! FOCUS!!

Oh, yeah....we're here with FREE Tickets to the Flaw concert to whet your appetite (mmmmm, cake....!).

No, this isn't welfare, and it's not some kind of government arts grant project, either.

(Uh, do you KNOW of some welfare or a government arts grant project? We're just asking for a friend. Five of them, in fact.)

Here's how you can win the tickets:

1. Compose an email telling us how wonderful we are.
Tips: Concentrate on the astonishingly good-looking banjo player. Don't talk about hair -- few of us have any. That's all the help you're going to get.*

2. Send it to suckingup@murphysflawband.com

3. First place entry: 1 ticket.

4. Second-place entry: 2 tickets.

Now, if you're bringing a date**, you have to engineer your entry so that it will jusssssst miss first place and magically fall into the second place category and you're set for a wonderful evening in beautiful Granada Hills, inside the delightfully air-conditioned Blue Ridge Pickin' Parlor.

Operators are not standing by but some blinking computer is, so get to work.

/The Flaw

* additional regulation: entries containing the phrase "me love you long time, soldier" will either win or be disqualified, depending on whether they refer to the astonishingly good-looking banjo player.
** this is hypothetical, since people who listen to the Flaw generally can't GET dates.

Dear Patrons of the Arts,

All is not well across the Flawed landscape these days. The band has foolishly agreed to stage some kind of "CD Recording Concert" on Saturday, July 19, a scant (you do the math; we're tired) days from now, at the Blue Ridge Pickin' Parlor, somewhere in Granada Hills, which is somewhat north of Los Angeles (ditto).

And now various members of the band are in full-on, screaming banshee panic mode. There are three main streams of angst flowing into a mighty, neurotic river:

• We're not prepared to get up and play in front of a paying audience, practicing only once a week, and most of that time devoted to tuning the banjo.
• Nobody will pay $20 apiece to come hear us (though it's just $15 in advance, we're just sayin'...)
• We're all going to die. Of embarrassment.

Bad enough? Not for the Flaw.

There's more.

The guy upon whom we were relying to record the concert, a professional sound engineer, has to go to a wedding. So now there's nobody available to record the concert that's so bad nobody will pay to hear it and there will be rotting embarrassed band corpses all around anyway.

Our legacy is intact.

There is a fallback position for the recording. We have a telephone answering machine with a fresh tape in it that we can set near the stage and we think we can get some CD tracks with that. Of course, each song will be limited to one minute and we can't start until we hear the beep.

There will be updates as the situation worsens. Meantime, here's the concert poster. Staple it to a loved one so you don't forget.

--The Flaw

Getting the kid started right!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/13947426@N07/2418995621/

We're Number Three! We're Number Three!

Woo-Woo!

Yes, The Flaw entered into that local crucible of cut-throat bluegrass competition, Topanga Banjo Fiddle Contest, and it's now official:

We are once again a third-rate bluegrass band.

But you knew that, right?

Given Sunday's heat we're amazed that the festival wasn't moved to an estuary off Oxnard, but tradition must be served, along with lots of water, snow-cones and kettle corn.

Also in keeping with tradition, we were "taken downtown" by the impossibly gifted teenagers (and one pre-teen) of the Muddy Buddies (First) and Murphy Family Band (no relation, Second)

Additionally, we're ashamed to report that Guitarist George Biner won Second Place in solo Flatpicking.

So what do you get with a second-rate flatpicker inside a third-rate bluegrass band? Ego problems, that's what.

But we'll get through this; we've had to cope with outbursts of talent before.

Nonetheless, through gritted teeth, we congratulate George.

At the other end of the bell curve, John Bryan (banjo) and Edie Murphy (fiddle) turned in such Flawed performances that they didn't even place. That's the kind of band solidarity we could use more of in these troubled times.

You can check out the Flaw, and other eventual Topanga highlights, here on the Flaw Channel:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8T0lr0UJQ0

Yours for institutional inadequacy,

The Flaw

Come for the Kettle Corn, Stay for the Sunburn

Dear Patrons of the Arts,

It's Topanga Banjo Fiddle Contest time again, and that means we practice in the back seat of the car -- in a cold sweat -- all the way to Paramount Ranch in Agoura Hills, because we're afraid we're about to make jackasses of ourselves before several hundred people.

No, wait -- that was our wedding.

This is different. There was no kettle corn at our wedding.

At any rate, The Flaw has been rehearsing constantly -- for 2.5 hours every week -- in anticipation of the keen competition that takes place starting about 9:30 a.m. Sunday on the sun-drenched meadow of Paramount Ranch.

That's a total of 650 person-hours of the Relentless Pursuit of First Place, Bluegrass Band Competition.

Well, actually, Edie went on vacation, and George went up to Cambria and Jarrett went on a business trip and Paul just plain forgot one time and John wasted nearly the whole practice trying to figure out his new fancy recorder, and everybody got the flu or allergies or mange or something. So maybe it's closer to 275 person-hours, but trust us, when we were all there together we were relentlessly pursuing first pla.....okay, there WAS a lot of tuning and downloading of lyrics, and then retuning and discussions of the need for retuning, and the importance of a rock-solid rhythm foundation and the Relentless Pursuit of First Place.

Make that 25 person-hours. (Sigh.)

Nonetheless, the stakes are huge.

Last year, we were barely nudged out of the winner's circle by Scott Gates and Pacific Bluegrass, which is a bunch of insanely talented kids -- KIDS! What do they know of life? Of The Relentless Pursuit?®

Bah.

This year we're up against eight or nine other bands and we don't know what will happen -- THEY might have practiced or something.

Thank goodness, at least, for the kettle corn.

See you all Sunday,

The Flaw (contestant #29)

Topanga Banjo Fiddle Contest